I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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