Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
