Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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