i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
