Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
