I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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