Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
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I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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