Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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