if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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