You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
