You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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