Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Randomize
