Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Randomize
