woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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