My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
