how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
