so explain again why im purple
no
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
