it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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