How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
