Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
