my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
third nipple confirmed
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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