im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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