Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The feeling are messing with the penis
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
