Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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