Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
