i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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