I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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