Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
