can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
