My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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