Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
