dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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