We won't sleep together?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
