i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
