I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize