I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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