I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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