I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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