I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
