so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
