I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
