Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
