I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
