dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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