The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
