we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
