Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
