I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
