I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
