Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
