careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
