when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
