and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
