I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
