Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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