Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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