Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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