I just threw up on my dentist
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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