i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
