Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
