NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
