Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
