i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize