My nipple is on Facebook.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
