Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
