I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
