My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
