Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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