I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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