woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
