Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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