I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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