My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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