How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
