did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
