Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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