i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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