if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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